When I got my first job after graduating from law school at a prestigious Big Law firm, I was thrilled. It felt like a huge accomplishment.
However, working as an M&A associate in Big Law was extremely demanding. I would leave for work before the sun came up and return home after dark. With intense deals, mandatory “optional” happy hours (where attendance was monitored), and pro bono work, my job took up all of my time.
During my first week at the firm, my supervising partner jokingly told me to bring a sleeping bag because the carpet in the office wasn’t comfortable to sleep on.
While I was at the office, I missed important moments with my kids. I watched my daughter take her first steps through a video message and had to apologize when a work deadline fell on my son’s birthday.
I tried my best to balance work and family, but it became overwhelming. I would feel frustrated when I took time off for my family only to be pulled back into work. Even when I was with my family, my mind was always occupied with work-related thoughts.
The concept of work-life balance wasn’t sustainable for me. I needed to find a different approach.
Big Law Culture
Unfortunately, my experience isn’t unique in the world of Big Law. Lawyers are not just expected but required to work exhaustively and push themselves even after experiencing burnout. Research shows that the average lawyer feels burnt out almost half of the time.
The culture in Big Law forces lawyers to prioritize work over everything else in order to succeed and progress in their careers. After-work events, late-night meals, and car services perpetuate this culture.
This culture can be particularly difficult for individuals with family responsibilities, such as parents. Parents often have to choose between prioritizing their family or advancing in their legal careers. A significant number of working mothers have faced discrimination and believe that having children has negatively impacted their careers.
Solution
I reached a breaking point and realized that I needed to make a change. One day, when I came home, my toddler son refused to come to me and clung to his mom, crying. I knew that I couldn’t continue this way. I loved my job, but not at the expense of my family.
I made two significant changes. Firstly, I rejected the traditional notion of work-life balance. I merged my work and family life, creating a seamless integration where my work colleagues supported my family life and vice versa. I involved my kids in my work and engaged them in what I was doing. This approach, which I called “Fully-Integrated Life,” worked for me.
Secondly, I made the decision to leave Big Law. I gave up my aspirations of becoming a partner at a large firm and joined a boutique remote firm instead.
Without the daily commute and pressure to be physically present in the office, I had the freedom to blend work with my personal life. I could work on important deals on my own schedule and collaborate with clients who understood and supported my priorities. I found a way to excel in my career while being present for my family. I am still very busy, but I finally feel in control of my time.
Each lawyer’s journey may look different. Some may benefit from setting boundaries or flexible schedules, while others may find balance through exercise or therapy.
Regardless of the path we choose, it is essential to understand that it is possible to find a solution that works for us. Striving for integration between work and personal life, aligned with our values and goals, is a worthwhile pursuit.
(This article does not necessarily reflect the opinion of Bloomberg Industry Group, Inc., the publisher of Bloomberg Law and Bloomberg Tax, or its owners.)
Author Information
Eli Albrecht is partner at SMB Law Group, where he represents buyers and sellers of businesses, with focus on private equity, independent sponsors, searchfunders, and self-funded searchers.
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